"Defensive can look like victim hood, counterattack or righteous indignation usually to protect ourselves from a perceived attack. We tend to get defensive when we feel falsely accused. We either push away the situation to avoid dealing or proceed to directly/indirectly blame our partner. It’s natural to want to correct our partner when we think they have the facts wrong, but do so in a positive and loving way without taking offence. Ultimately, getting defensive translates to excuses, not taking your partner seriously; and not taking responsibility for part of the problem making your partner feel not seen, heard or felt. It also just adds fuel to the fire, keeping you both in, what can feel like, a constant loop. How many times has blaming your partner actually helped the situation?"

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